How to Have a Successful Birthday Party for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

My son just celebrated his fourth birthday.  His party was Paw Patrol themed.  He didn’t ask for it.  Actually, because of his developmental delays, he doesn’t really understand what a birthday is. But my husband knew how much he loved Paw Patrol and insisted, despite me having a hundred other more “Pintresty” ideas!  I am glad I listened to my husband!

My son had a wonderful time, and his party was a success.  Before the party, I was super nervous.  I had a million “what if’s” going through my mind.  I often do this when we are facing an unknown.  However, I feel it couldn’t have gone better!  How can you plan a great party for your child with autism?  The following tips helped me, maybe they will help you as well!

Be Mindful of the Location

We chose to have my son’s birthday party at home.  With my older three neurotypical kids, they’d get excited to have a birthday party somewhere they’ve never been:  Chuck E Cheese, the bowling alley, an indoor playground; but for the little guy unfamiliar settings can often cause unpredictable behavior.  If you frequent a particular park or your child is super familiar with Chuck E Cheese, go for it.  However, their birthday party may not be the right time to check out the newest trampoline joint.  Having our son’s party in our home meant at least I knew he’d be super comfortable in the environment.

Consider the Guest List

My older kids would want to invite every kid they’ve ever met.   The more, the merrier.  For a child with autism, think long and hard about who you invite.  Obviously, family, but limit the number of children.  And be sure the children you do invite have parents who are understanding of your child’s autism.

Time it Right

You know the time of day that your child is the most compliant, the happiest, the calmest.  You also know how long he or she can sustain that.  Be clear with your guests that there is a successful window for the party and note that.  We know between 11:00 am and 2:00 pm is a good window for our son, so that is when we scheduled the party.

The Food

Knowing I’d need to be on high alert, making sure my son’s behavior was on track, I opted to make the food for guests as simple as possible and to let my son have his favorite Easy Mac.  A self-serve Costco lasagna and pre-made Cesar Salad meant I’d not have to spend too much time in the kitchen and could spend more time looking after my son and helping him interact successfully with our guests.

The Gifts

To prevent a possible meltdown, I didn’t put out his birthday gifts until it was time to unwrap them.  I also didn’t make him unwrap them all.  He’d unwrap one, play with it and then unwrap another when he was ready.  Guests enjoy seeing the birthday child unwrap the gift they so thoughtfully brought, but this isn’t often what works.  Just take a picture or video later of the child opening the gift and send it to the giver.


Children’s parties are fun to plan, and so are games and activities, but to help the party be successful, keep activities and games simple.  Our son doesn’t play cooperatively or independently very well yet.  So we decided our activity would be swimming.  We have a pool, so this was easy.  We made sure to have plenty of pool toys, so sharing wasn’t a problem.  If your party is at a park, you already have built-in activities!  You know what activities your child is successful at and are motivating to them.  Stick to those instead of trying something new.

Theme and Decor

Because of his autism, our son couldn’t share with us what theme he’d like, but as I said before, my husband knew.  Pick a theme you know will get your child super excited, but keep the decor simple to not be too overwhelming.  We opted for some giant Paw Patrol balloons (they are still floating around our living room) and some Paw Patrol cookies.  Even if your child can’t verbalize it, you know what they love!  Use that to get them excited about their special day.

After the Party

I believe this is the most important, get them back to their regular routine right away.  Children with autism thrive best in structure.  As soon as my son’s party was over, he went down for his nap.  My husband and I quickly put the house back together and got things back to normal.  Easter was the next day.  However, I elected to skip my son waking up to a huge Easter basket filled with more goodies.  I wanted to help him get back to his regular routine.  Two days in a row with goodies and different routines can cause considerable disruption in his expectations. The party needed to come in like a lamb and go out like a lion.  Easy in, quickly out!


Any event that is out of the ordinary for your child with autism needs to be thoroughly planned for optimal success.  At the end of the day, my son was happy and proudly telling everyone who asked: “I’m four!”  It was a great birthday party, and we now look forward to, instead of worrying about our next fun event!

I am what I am!  That’s a great thing to be.  If I say so my self, Happy Birthday to me! – Dr. Suess

Published by

Amy Nielsen

Amy Nielsen is a former children's librarian of nearly twenty years. She now spends most of her time obsessively pounding on a keyboard. She is the author of It Takes a Village: How to Build a Support System for Your Exceptional Needs Family, Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder. Her upcoming YA Worth it debuts in May of 2024. She is also a freelance writer for The Autism Helper. When she's not writing, she and her family are most likely crusing the waters of Tampa Bay.